It's funny, this blogging thing....

These urges, these verbal or written outbursts are just that. Purging.
Yes, I am this sub. Yes I am insecure and needy. Yes, life makes me want to hide and build the walls. But, once I let it out, once i write it, it fades.

I want to be on my knees, badly, but not as badly as when I wrote my last post.
I dont know why I feel the need to explain myself. I know I'm not judged here. I know this is a 'safe place'.

Sometimes, just writing about it helps. Sometimes writing about it, the navel gazing, makes it worse.

Every time i write I have to fight the urge to delete posts, delete the blog.

Every time.

I want to throw a temper tantrum. I want to scream and yell and cry. I want you to hold me fast and still. I want to fight and lose. I want to be put in place.

I dont want to be a bother.